【TED】女儿从小如何培养?现在起,做一个勇敢的女孩!

2016.04.21

男孩要勇敢,女孩要完美,这一根深蒂固的教育理念影响了一代又第一代孩子,男孩女孩的人生道路也因此开始分岔。本期百科,我们想给大家分享Reshma Saujani女士的TED演讲,看看她想要告诉我们什么样的故事;女孩,又应该如何培养。

Reshma Saujani女士她的人生轨迹就是一直做着完美和谨小慎微的事情,直到她33岁时才人生第一次做了件勇敢但看似并不完美的事,但这件事给她带来很多思考和领悟,从而也彻底改变了她的人生轨迹与目标。于是也有了这场发人深思的演讲。

 

以下是节选内容:

So many women I talk to tell me that they gravitate towards careers and professions that they know they’re going to be great in, that they know they’re going to be perfect in, and it’s no wonder why. Most girls are taught to avoid risk and failure. We’re taught to smile pretty, play it safe, get all A’s. 

很多女性在交谈中告诉我,她们倾向于选择那些适合自己的职业,那些她们一开始就知道自己会做的很好的职位。这不足为怪,因为我们中大多数女孩从小接受的家庭教育就是远离风险,避免失败。我们从小听的道理是要笑的可爱一点,玩的时候安全第一,还有,在学校门门得A。

Boys, on the other hand, are taught to play rough, swing high, crawl to the top of the monkey bars and then just jump off headfirst. And by the time they’re adults, whether they’re negotiating a raise or even asking someone out on a date, they’re habituated to take risk after risk. They’re rewarded for it. It’s often said in Silicon Valley, no one even takes you seriously unless you’ve had two failed start-ups.

可是男孩子们呢?大人们鼓励他们放开胆子玩,秋千要荡得最远,爬竿要爬得最高,然后冒冒失失地跳下来。当他们成年以后,不管是要求加薪还是约女孩出去,他们都愿意冒这个风险,因为他们在冒险中得到回报。就像在美国硅谷,除非你已经两次创业失败,不然没有人会把你当一回事。 

In other words, we’re raising our girls to be perfect, and we’re raising our boys to be brave.

换言之,从小我们教育女孩们要事事完美,教育男孩们则是要事事勇敢。

1

What’s going on? Well, at the fifth grade level, girls routinely outperform boys in every subject, including math and science, so it’s not a question of ability. 

(当一群五年级的学生遇到了难题,聪明的女孩很快就放弃了,男孩们却坚持挑战它,不惜花上两倍的时间精力也要解决它。)为什么会这样呢?事实上五年级的女生每门学科表现得都比男生出色,包括数学和科学,所以,这不是能力的问题。

The difference is in how boys and girls approach a challenge. And it doesn’t just end in fifth grade. An HP report found that men will apply for a job if they meet only 60 percent of the qualifications, but women, women will apply only if they meet 100 percent of the qualifications. 100 percent. 

关键在于男孩女孩面对挑战的态度。即使他们成人之后也是如此,一份惠普的报告显示,哪怕一个男人只有六成的把握能担任这个工作,他也会去应聘,女性呢,除非她们觉得自己百分百符合这个岗位的要求,否则绝不会去尝试。

This study is usually invoked as evidence that, well, women need a little more confidence. But I think it’s evidence that women have been socialized to aspire to perfection, and they’re overly cautious.

通常这一研究被用来证明女性往往缺乏自信,但我认为这也恰恰表明,女性在社会中过于追求完美而始终前瞻后顾。

3

And even when we’re ambitious, even when we’re leaning in, that socialization of perfection has caused us to take less risks in our careers. And so those 600,000 jobs that are open right now in computing and tech, women are being left behind, and it means our economy is being left behind on all the innovation and problems women would solve if they were socialized to be brave instead of socialized to be perfect.

作为女性,尽管我们表现得雄心壮志,愿意挺身而进,但社会对我们完美的认可使我们不愿意在自己的职业生涯上冒风险。如今电子和技术行业开放了60万个的岗位,女性在其中所占的比例却是大大落后的,这意味着,我们的经济在所有创新和女性能解决的问题上正在衰落,如果她们被社会教育得更为勇敢,而不是贴上“完美”的标签,就不会有这个问题了。

2

We immediately see in our program our girls’ fear of not getting it right, of not being perfect. Every Girls Who Code teacher tells me the same story. During the first week, when the girls are learning how to code, a student will call her over and she’ll say, “I don’t know what code to write.” The teacher will look at her screen, and she’ll see a blank text editor.

(我开始教女孩们写代码,因为编写代码本生就是一个在无止境的错误里反复修改,最终展现魔力的过程。我希望以此来教会女孩勇敢,而不是追求完美。)

我们很快在过程中发现,我们的女孩害怕犯错,害怕写的不完美。这个项目的老师向我反馈道,学习写代码第一周,一个学生会告诉老师 “我不知道怎么写代码。”老师看了这个学生的电脑屏幕,编辑栏一片空白。

 If she didn’t know any better, she’d think that her student spent the past 20 minutes just staring at the screen. But if she presses undo a few times, she’ll see that her student wrote code and then deleted it. She tried, she came close, but she didn’t get it exactly right. Instead of showing the progress that she made, she’d rather show nothing at all. Perfection or bust.

如果老师不了解情况,她会认为这个学生花了20分钟对着屏幕发呆。但是如果老师按几下撤销键,就会知道这位学生写了代码却把它删除了。至少她尝试过了,而且已几乎接近正确,只是没有完全精准罢了。可是这位同学呀,宁可全部删光,也不愿意让老师看到她的错误过程。尽善尽美到了极致,便是一事无成。

这里节选了演讲的一部分,希望爸爸妈妈通过这个演讲回顾一下自己对宝贝女儿的教育方式,有则改之,无则加勉!